Relationship Tip of the Week

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Relationship Tip of the Week

Did you know you have a secret relationship weapon? It is available 24/7 and is free. It puts people at ease and makes you approachable. It encourages conversation and connection. One warning–used insincerely, it has the opposite effect. Give up? It’s your smile. Use it frequently and watch your life change for the positive.


Relationship Tip of the Week

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Relationship Tip of the Week

People respond to what they sense about you, no matter what you actually say.

If your energy is positive and non-judgemental you are more likely to get a positive response. Taking a moment to do an attitude check can save an argument and sometimes an entire day of being upset. If you can’t shake your negative mood, wait a bit. It is definitely worth the results!


Relationship Tip of the Week

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Relationship Tip of the Week

If you can’t get a spouse, child or friend to open up to you, ask their opinion about something.”What do you think of Becky’s new bike?” “What are the mayor’s chances of being re-elected?” We all want to feel valued and being asked our opinion is a sign of that. It not only costs nothing but gives you both the gift of connection.


Relationship Tip of the Week

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Relationship Tip of the Week

We all remember Mr. Roger’s neighborhood….it was friendly, safe and never hurried. Ever wish your world could be like that?  Every day we have a choice–our world can be pleasant, safe and friendly, even if there are people who want to make it just the opposite. We are the ones who are in control–not our “neighbors.” We can choose how we feel about situations and how we respond to others–regardless of how they act toward us. When we react to others, we are giving away our power and our self-esteem. We are not so fragile that an unkind comment can demolish us. Remember that old childhood chant, “Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you”? Well, it’s true. When we choose not to react, the person is left with their comment hanging in the air–and others remember them for saying it. Life is too short to allow the negative in. Instead, put your sweater and sneakers on and have a beautiful day.


Relationship Tip of the Week

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Relationship Tip of the Week
Does your partner make you feel guilty?  Do you feel like you can’t ever please him or her? If so, you may be in a relationship where your partner is insecure and lacks self-esteem. Of course, if you don’t spend time relationship building, then maybe you are the one who is at fault. But if you honestly do think you give more than sufficient time to your partner and he or she is still unhappy, it may be because they are unhappy with themselves and are looking to you to fill the hole in their life. When we have healthy self-esteem, we realize that our partner does not “owe” us whatever we didn’t get in childhood. We do not hold our partners responsible for making or keeping us happy. That is our job. When we are emotionally healthy, we realize when we legitimately have a beef with our spouse and when we want them to fill in our emotional emptiness for us. Whether it is you or your partner, if either of you seems intent on making the other person feel guilty for not giving enough, it is time to reassess the relationship and perhaps see a therapist. Remember, you do not have to be miserable together.

Relationship Tip of the Week

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Relationship Tip of the Week

As a therapist, one of the biggest complaints I get has to do with “unspoken” messages.

“She said she was okay with me going, but then she did that sigh thing.” And she replies, “I said it was okay for you to go, didn’t I?”

Or, “I hate it when he makes that face.” Then he says, “What face?”

Words are only 7 percent of your conversation. The rest is your voice tonality (38 %) and your body language (55 %). Rolling your eyes, sighing, frowning or using terse words convey 93% of your message and can completely negate what your words state. Often deep self-esteem issues arise out of these situations because people feel rejected, marginalized or dismissed.

If you get a double message from someone you have a choice: You can decide what they are really saying and proceed from there (if you go, are you going to be punished?), you can talk about it, “You’re words are saying yes but everything else is saying ‘No.’ It sounds like we really need to talk about this more” or you can pout (silent treatment).

If you are the one doing it, then step back and think about why you choose to communicate this way instead of being up front. Your feelings may or may not be legitimate but it is obviously something you need to sort out and certainly worth talking about.

We use this passive-aggressive way of communicating out of habit or because we’re angry we can’t do anything about the situation. Knee-jerk anger in response doesn’t help. Talking—sometimes two or three times about the issue will eventually end up in a better place as long as you are both willing to hear what is bothering the other person. You don’t have to agree with the other person’s point of view—you just have to acknowledge his or her feelings.  It is not about winning—it is about your relationship in the long run.


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