Weddings do much more than join two people

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For those of you who have been faithfully checking my blog–I thank you.

I am back from knee replacement surgery and ready to share all the thoughts I’ve had–well, not all of them. Even I have standards!

I performed a wedding ceremony earlier this summer and realised that weddings are God’s way of showing us that real love is out there.  Of course we know the bride and groom are floating in a romantic haze but I am talking about the other kind of love, the kind we sometimes give up on.

Friends and family reunite at weddings, putting old hurts behind them. People start right up like they had just seen each other the week before…instead of the ten years that have passed since they last talked.

Weddings confirm that families stay connected. Old friends are still young in each other’s eyes as they dance to songs popular when they were new in the world. They sing “I Will Survive” with as much gusto as they did after their first real break-up. All around are little stories playing out, singles wondering when they will meet their partner, the couple newly in love, blushing at the thought that next time they might be the ones making their vows, the couple who’s been married awhile, wistful as they remember their own day in the limelight. Weddings do much more than just join two people–they affirm us and remind us that there really is a place for us amid friends and family in this big world.

Story Lines

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If you have ever thought you were too shy to have friends, think about a TV show or a book you’ve loved. You fall in love with the characters and you can’t wait for the next episode or chapter. Then inevitably, the story has to end. No, you don’t want it to end…you want it to go on. These people are real to you. When the story ends, they end too. It’s like losing a real friend. Well, here’s the good news–you can have real friends! You can follow their story as they follow yours. You can talk to them and they will talk back.

How do you find friends? You become a friend. Maybe you’ll have to step out of your comfort zone but just Ask. Ask people about themselves, what they do, what they like, what music they listen to, their family, their pet, their job where they were born, have they every bunji jumped on and on. Once someone begins talking they will think you are awesome. Don’t think you have nothing to say, either. Your story is fascinating because everyone’s story is different. Thinking you have nothing to say means you don’t think you have any significance. Believe me, you do because no one else’s story is like yours….and that makes you interesting.

Monday Morning

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Monday morning–a drag for most people, especially today since it’s raining. But, I like the rain today. It’s not business as usual when it rains. My husband isn’t playing golf so he brought me coffee with cinnamon, so that’s a plus right out of the chute. I had a great weekend with my kids–visiting from Michigan and Richmond, VA.   My husband made his famous mustard potato salad and sloppy joe’s and I made my famous Ghirardelli brownies from Cosco. Wayne, who’s been a son-in-law the longest is a pretty tough guy who can do anything. He made his own solar collectors, gardens, and knows the secrets of the universe. He told the newest son-in-law, “When plans involve her family, she’s in charge. When plans involve my family, she’s in charge.”  Over the weekend we laughed so much I actually had to take a long nap after they left. Then I had to eat the rest of the brownies. Wayne understands self-esteem– he can make fun of himself, take a back seat to his wife and still feel pretty darn good. And we all love him because of it.

Does feeling positive about myself depend on other people?

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Today, I would like for you to take a little test. I would like you to jot down when you are feeling good and what you did to make yourself feel good. I would also like you to jot down when you are feeling not-so-good and why. I am talking about mood, not the H1N1 flu. If at the end of the day you have 4 or more times you feel not-so-good, then I want you to ask yourself, does feeling positive about myself depend on other people? Are you waiting for someone else to reward you—and if they don’t, is that when you feel bad? If so, I have some terrific news for you. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!!!!   (more…)

How do you get your emotional “place” back on track?

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How do you get your emotional “place” back on track? You have already begun if you recognize that you don’t feel grounded and comfortable. Ask yourself—is there anywhere in my life where I am not authentic? Do I agree when I really disagree? Do I pretend to be someone’s friend when I’m not? Am I pushing away truths I don’t want to hear? Do I deny myself the same pleasure I would urge someone else to embrace? You are who you are—and sometimes you need work. But before that comes being really, really, really truthful with yourself and the life you are living.

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