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The holidays are a very dangerous time for self-esteem. The last thing we need to do is measure self-worth based on gifts. There are hundreds of opportunities now to turn away from activities that involve comparing ourselves to others. You only need to look within yourself to know if you are doing the right things. Don’t allow someone else to set your priorities for you. If you hate to do outside lights, get a spotlight and devote yourself to visiting the animal shelter if that’s what you want. It’s better to have a happy house than a tension-filled one that wears 10,000 lights. This season, more than all the others, should encourage you to value yourself because you are already valued…there is already a reason you’re here.
As we head toward Thanksgiving, the remnants of Halloween remind me that when we get together with family and friends, sometimes we wear masks in an effort to make other people think we are someone we are not. We wear our masks in hopes people will give us “treats” in the way of praise and affirmation.
We wear our mask to work, smiling to hiding the strain of the fight we had last night with our partner. We wear a confident mask as we use our credit card, hoping it won’t be rejected. And every mask we put on makes us feel less certain of ourselves, makes us feel more and more like a fraud. § Read the rest of this entry…
I think women have a sense they could or should be happier–that their life, ‘though adequate by previous decades’ expectations, is not the wonderful, fabulous life they have been promised. Its like getting to the top of the mountain and after taking the in the view, saying, “Okay–now what?” Climb down and get back to work–whatever work is. The bar keeps moving up for women, down for men. Men are being told to relax, quit chasing the corporate gold ring, get in touch with themselves, enjoy their children and grandchildren. Women are given the message that unless they are deeply happy within themselves, they’ve missed something. § Read the rest of this entry…
Dewey
The past week I have been recovering from knee replacement surgery. It has been a humbling process. I have been dependent on other people…nurses, aides and especially my husband, to do very basic things for me. Most women I know feel uncomfortable when they are waited on because we are used to being the ones who do things for others. These weeks of recovery, I am reminding myself that I have taken care of others for years and that I can receive from others without feeling guilty. But even if I hadn’t cared for a single other person, I still deserve help because I am a person who needs it.
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How do you get your emotional “place” back on track? You have already begun if you recognize that you don’t feel grounded and comfortable. Ask yourself—is there anywhere in my life where I am not authentic? Do I agree when I really disagree? Do I pretend to be someone’s friend when I’m not? Am I pushing away truths I don’t want to hear? Do I deny myself the same pleasure I would urge someone else to embrace? You are who you are—and sometimes you need work. But before that comes being really, really, really truthful with yourself and the life you are living.
Your emotional “place” is where you feel grounded and comfortable. It is the place where your soul lives. It is a source of intuition and inspiration. It is the terror you felt when you were five and got lost. It is the pride you felt when you made your first dollar. It is jealousy and anger, selflessness and selfishness. It is mature and at the same time childish. It is the truest part of you, the part you know to be the essence of who you are. When you ignore this part of yourself, you are out of emotional “place.”
How do you start unleashing your creativity when you are overwhelmed with responsibilities and time limitations? You have to break your routine. Eat chili for breakfast. Buy a luxurious bath gel instead of soap. Go home a new way. Take a picture of something you like and learn how to put it on your computer screen. Let the dishes sit and go for a walk. Part your hair on the other side. Sit in a different place in church. Buy shoes if you only wear sandals. Buy sandals if you only wear shoes. Turn the TV off. Buy a sketch pad. Play with clay. Skip a meeting. Go barefoot. Eat a bog of popcorn then skip dinner. This is your life and your only life. If you could see it from beginning to end you would see how much time you wasted on things that didn’t matter. Start now.
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